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Letter of the Week
CAHN WAS RIGHT, YOU’RE WRONG
In your column "Happy Warrior" you use the phrase "the whole magilla". This is phonetically correct but not the proper (or most common)spelling or meaning . You must have been thinking of "Magilla Gorilla", an inane Hanna Barbera cartoon about which I remember nothing and which is completely unrelated to the phrase. Or more likely as a Sinatra-phile, you were thinking of Come Blow Your Horn : "The taller the tree is - the sweeter the peach / I'll give you the whole magilla - in a one word speech - reach".
The correct phrase is "the whole megillah". "Megillah" is the accepted romanization of the Hebrew word for scroll and commonly refers to the Book of Esther. The Book of Esther has a long melodramatic plot and takes a while to read out loud in synagogue (and it is read every year in full at the Purim holiday). So if someone gave you say a lengthy convoluted series of excuses for why he was late to a meeting you would later tell your friends that you had been forced to listen to a "gantse megillah" - meaning in Yiddish, the full recitation of the scroll – the entire long story.
To Sinatra's (or actually Cahn's) credit, he at least uses the phrase properly to mean "the whole story". You (and you're not the only sinner in this regard) used it to mean "the whole ball of wax", which makes no sense at all given the origin of the phrase.
Israel Lipschitz
Rosemont, Pennsylvania
Re: Lightbulbs that don’t signify ideas
THE COST OF GREEN LIGHTBULBS
Re: your recent "light bulb" column in the Chicago Sun-Times - I'd like to refer you to a story about the real thing, yes a story about a real light bulb or more correctly a compact fluorescent bulb story out of Ellsworth, Maine. Hope this link works, it's from a April 26th-07 Article on the website www.junkscience.com - I believe it's been archived, but easily accessible.
It's about a woman's problem after breaking one of these "green" bulbs. For a purchase price of about $4 and change, would you pay a minimum of $2,000 to clean a spill of mercury measured a 1/300 billionths of a gram? I wouldn't.
Doug Kemp
PERFECT PAR ON PUTIN
Your April 29, 2007 Sun Times column was brilliant. The analysis of Putin's motives and that line of insight into deconstructing world events is better in one paragraph than a lifetime's worth of politicized drivelous nonsense from what seems like most of the media and academia.
Separate note: While I haven't got a hyperlink for it, a paper recently (2007) came out from someone at Princeton University, titled "Where Are the Babies? Labor Market Conditions and Fertility in Europe". Astoundingly, the author's conclusion is that in order to increase fertility rates Europe should increase public sector employment! I didn't read the paper thoroughly, but it sounds to me like someone really confused correlation with cause! (And my perusal revealed no mention of religion.)
John Schuler
Richmond, Virginia
UN INACTION SCHOCK
Actual CNN headline: "Darfur discussion at U.N., but little action."
Really? I'm stunned. The UN has already done so much for the people of Darfur; I'm amazed it's letting them down now.
Rich Tucker
Re: Steyn’s Song of the Week
BURT AND GEORGE
When I was growing up I instinctively loved Burton Lane's melodies and I have been humming "How About You" for many, many years and I loved your picking it up and giving Burt some credit for a great tune. Yip used to say that Burt had a lot of George Gershwin in him, maybe because Burt and George used to play duo piano together back in the 20s when Burt was coming up. Your analysis of the song was just fine.
Ernie Harburg
REMEMBERING BURT
I was sent your excellent article about HOW ABOUT YOU - and I'm glad about that for two reasons. First it is an excellent piece - well written with a real appreciation of both lyric and music - and secondly because Burton Lane was my husband. Actually it was the Harburg Foundation that forwarded it to me. I'm glad to be made familiar with your writing and now that I know where to go to read more of it I will certainly do just that.
I was in Toronto not long ago when they put How About You into their Hall of Fame - it was a lovely event and Ralph 's grandson was there to represent him.-until then I hadn't known of any Canadian connection.
So thank you for your good work - and all best wishes
Lynn Lane
NOT ALL SONGWRITERS ARE DEAD
Being a songwriter, I love your column on old songs. I do revere things written before I was born!
Hopefully, you'll do an occasional piece on a writer who is still alive. A co-writer of mine and very successful American songwriter, Tom Snow, sends your link out to his creative list, this is how we know about it.
If not Tom, perhaps Jimmy Webb.
Patti Dahlstrom
MARK AND MISS SAIGON
Hurray for your Song of the Week columns! "Body And Soul" was one of the best yet. One of the recent columns mentioned in passing Leo Robin. I vaguely remember you reviewing "Thanks For The Memories" somewhere. How about a reprint of that piece, or better yet a full column on a Robin song?
My real reason for writing is that I noticed a book on a friend's shelf about the making of Miss Saigon co-written by one Mark Steyn. Would that be you? I didn't get a chance to look at it and can't imagine what you've made of that schlock. But I'd love to give it a read. Is it available through your site or should we look elsewhere? Any other books from your past life as a theatre/movie critic that we should know about? I've given up on seeing your theatre columns in the New Criterion, but I do hope that you'll do a theatre piece elsewhere from time to time. You were one of the most perceptive critics in the business.
Gary Perlman
Tokyo, Japan
P.S. Here's a plug for "Passing Parade". It's now making the rounds among my friends; I never knew obituaries could be so fun. You really bring the dead to life, so to speak.
A BOOK OF THE COLUMNS
I really like the Song of the Week columns. Are past ones archived somewhere accessible to me? I'd love to see a whole book of those columns. I know you have talked about various songs and composers in other books - Broadway Babies, Yelling Melody - perhaps others I don't know about? But if there is one that is a collection of the Song of the Week columns, I'd be first in line to get it.
Thanks for your always interesting writing.
Linda Wheeler
Re: Republican Manners
OVERJOYED TO WELCOME THE QUEEN
It is good that Queen Elizabeth II is here in the States to celebrate the 400th anniversary of the founding of Jamestown, VA. As a Brit living in NC, I understand the good-natured envy felt by my neighbors – after all Roanoke, NC, was the first English colony in North America, but it failed.
North Carolina, however, is a resounding success and is a State where the Britannic inheritance, beloved of both you and me, is to be enjoyed everywhere. It is a splendid, splendid place, just like the Union to which it belongs.
I am overjoyed that Queen Elizabeth is here to celebrate the birth of America.
Sadly though, the Queen did not publicly celebrate the 300th year of the Union between Scotland and England earlier this year.
In 2001, when I saw her (on television) at the 9/11 memorial service singing, with gusto, ‘The Battle Hymn of The Republic’, I knew my world had changed, and that she knew hers had too.
When Queen Elizabeth is happy to be here celebrating 400 years of American success,
and makes no mention of the 300 year Union between Scotland and England, then America is Alone.
Colin Miles
Charlotte, North Carolina
GO HOME, YOU’RE NOT WANTED HERE
Could you tell your queen to stay out of my country. We fought a war over 200 years ago to rid ourselves of monarchs. Unlike some simple-minded, Oprah Winfrey watching bubble heads, I find her presence in my country offensive. And since we're on the topic, why hasn't she changed her dress in over 50 years? You'd think the world's wealthiest welfare recipient would have a larger wardrobe.
BJ
Chicago, Illinois
VIRGINIA MANNERS
I saw the headline and expected a column on the superiority of the GOP's table manners or propensity to write lovely thank you notes. Hmmm. I can attest that children's manners in Red states are far superior to their Blue state counterparts. No first names for adults here in the Commonwealth of Virginia, for example. Go even Redder, like Kentucky, and you get a lot of ma'ams and sirs. As far as the Royals, if they can improve American attire and posture for an afternoon, more power to them.
Jennifer
NODDING HEADS
The Queen and her Consort are in my state of Virginia this day and following days for the celebration of the 400th anniversary of the founding of Jamestown, so many citizens here will be interested in the proper protocol for greetings (though many more will be concerned than will ever get the chance to actually confront the question). You agreed that none but her subjects should bow or curtsy excepting persons with a burning desire for exercise. Of course we have the easily aroused backdrop of anti-royalism (what another Cornerite calls "small r republicanism"). But can't even that be carried to far. Must customary and specialized courtesy be always subservience? Can't it just be only that-courtesy and manifested respect? Would anyone seriously argue that a little dip of the head to the representative and head of mighty commonwealth (ya ok maybe that's debatable) indicates nothing more or less than deep respect and regard? Wouldn't the present Queen of GB, if anyone, be an appropriate recipient? Have we really gone so far as to make the smallest gestures inescapably political?
Love your stuff, I send it to friends all the time. I'm not a theater fan really, but your columns almost make me want to know more about obscure musicals.
John A. Greenlee
CELEBRATE JAMESTOWN
I was wondering if could perhaps share a few thoughts from this republican redneck
from Louisiana.
The 400th Anniversary of Jamestown should be an event of big importance and celebration in America. Yet it is barely getting a mention and I suspect not at all mentioned or celebrated in our nation’s schools. The Queen however took time to come over and celebrate this grand accomplishment. That should give us pause. If she was not here I doubt it would be mention at all on the news.
Also, it would be nice if the predictable "we won't bow" to the Queen banter would die down on the premier Conservative site of America. Let us remember that she represents a nation that has troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Also, she also here in America and not sharing the final days of her grandson's time in the UK. Prince Harry will of course be fighting in Iraq within days or weeks
JH
Louisiana
CAKE FOR THE DOOK
My own favorite story about Americans dealing with British royals involves the visit by Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip to California in 1983. They visited Yosemite Park and dined in the grand dining room at the Ahwahnee Hotel. The wait staff was largely college students, who were given a crash course in royal etiquette, but to no avail. When it came time to clear the dinner plates, the young waiter advised Prince Philip: "Hang on to your fork, Duke. There's cake for dessert."
Emmett Stanton
AMERICA IS TOO INFORMAL
”In that sense, every post in American public service is the equivalent title-wise to joining the House of Lords.”
Thomas Jefferson said "where you stand depends upon where you sit." So I would agree with you in general, with this one big, personally experienced caveat - it is about impossible for military members to have the general public use our rank as a courtesy, even with all the etiquette books that "got our back" (by saying that is the proper way to do business). It also doesn't really matter where they stand on the political spectrum - it's just been lost in the general culture at large, unless one is/was a Colonel, General, or Admiral.
People who have no problem addressing a teacher outside the classroom as "Professor" or "Doctor" never even think of using the military title if they know it - it's all first names and smiles (which irritates me to no end, because my first name is not the one I go by).
I'd be shocked if John Q. Public actually ever addressed me as "Lieutenant Commander", or "Commander". Heck, I'd be happy just with "Mister". Not to go nuts and channel Jack Nicholson, but I do think I earned it...This is one case where I'd actually get more courtesy from the press (if I was ever important enough to do a story on), since they know the rules a little better. Everyone else - either no frickin' clue, or inherent anti-militarism, or just don't want to give honor to someone else and feel lessened themselves, or just classic "Jacksonian" America egalitarianism.
And in general, try getting a "Mister" these days. America is too informal a society. Once again, I feel it perhaps more than others, because my first name, Phillip, is not the one I go by, so all the fake sincerity/friendship really hits home.
Good fences make good neighbors.
Scott Wallace
LCDR USNR
PROTOCOL POOPER
Regarding your comments addressing an ex-Governor.
I had a friend in the press that said the protocol was to address all ex-Governors as "Governor" even if they later held other important positions (exception being President). Fore example, when meeting former Senator Lausche (Ohio) he addressed him as "Governor" which was quite acceptable. Keeping this in mind, last year when running into Zell Miller at a college commencement I addressed him as Governor even though most recently a retired Senator.
Lamont Pittman
Atlanta, Georgia
RESPECT AT LAST
Oh, wow, does this mean that, because I taught part time at a community college for the past six years, I can be addressed as "Professor Carnes" for the rest of my natural life?
After being a stay-at-home Mom for 20 years - i.e., getting zero respect from anyone - it has been a guilty pleasure seeing people's eyes light up when I'm introduced with that title.
Pauli Carnes
A BIG HUG FOR HER MAJESTY
Just read your post on The Corner about your "Hi" to Prince Phillip and I remembered something similar, but even more wonderfully egregious, that happened the last time the Queen was in the U.S.. She was in Washington, DC visiting some sort of low-income area and this big-bosomed black woman gave her a big 'ole affectionate bear hug. If I remember correctly, the Queen was a bit astonished, but took it in the spirit it was intended. So your advice to relax and have a good time seems right.
By the way, I've become a big Queen fan (QE II, not the Freddie Mercury band) since I saw the Helen Mirren movie. I remember feeling the same sort of fascination/disgust at the Diana death spectacle.
Leta Hix
Huntsville, Alabama
YOU CAN’T HAVE TOO MANY TITLES
Regarding your post about the etiquette of addressing English royalty, if Americans are supposed to address former ambassadors as "Mr./Mrs Ambassador", shouldn't moderators at presidential debates address a sitting president as "Mr President" rather than "Mr. Bush"?
As an aside, there are several works of fiction (i.e. "Portuguese Irregular Verbs") by the Scotsman Alexander McCall Smith that claims that Europeans (maybe just Germans) with multiple doctorates are to be honored by referring to each degree in addressing them, with special honor to medical degrees, and in order of which degree came first. Hence his main character if "Professor Professor Doctor Professor" or some such.
Enjoying your take of Lord Black's trial. I wish Court TV or the Comedy Channel would feature your musings.
Mike Menard
Madison, Wisconsin
Re: Think globally, submit locally
THE STINKY GARBAGE SOLUTION
So what, if scaled-back British garbage collection means an increase in rats and flies, thereby increasing the likelihood of an epidemic? That's system feedback at work. An epidemic would reduce population, thus reducing emissions, thus reducing global warming.
Likewise, increased ocean levels would flood methane-producing rice paddies, thereby reducing global warming. More feedback.
Earth will survive. Humanity will survive, although not necessarily in the same quantity. When you come right down to it, does it matter?
Robert Allgeyer
Aptos, California
WEIGHTY BIN ISSUE
I'm not someone who generally agrees with a lot of what you say, but I'll often be sympathetic to your basic point, and you're honest and upfront enough in your writing that I'll read it and always give it a chance.
However, on the UK “ecototalitarianism” where you refer to the microchip being imbedded in the wheelie bin, I think you're being somewhat disingenuous. Let's make a direct comparison with the Bush wire-tapping issue. If Bush was simply monitoring the level of calls someone was making, I don’t think there'd be that much of an issue. Likewise, if the microchip was able to actually tell what was in my garbage, then I think there'd be much more of a problem. However, in this situation, all the chip does is tell the weight, and the only use of this information is to allow for residents to be charged for the refuse collection service they're using - it's not called pay-by-weight for nothing.
While there is much to be argued about the rights and wrongs about certain green/eco-friendly policies, this one seems to be much ado about nothing.
Owen Callan
Dublin, Ireland
MY DOG CHIP
Interesting how you think chips in garbage cans would cause a revolt and you don't mention the USDA's NAIS program which will force all livestock owners to chip their animals. Dogs and cats are on the list even though they aren't in the food chain. So are fish and pet birds. Oh yeah, the USDA claims it is all "voluntary", for now at least, but states lose USDA funds for not getting enough "volunteers" signed up.
Larry
Re: The Plot emerges
A SUSPICIOUS NUMBER OF COMPANIES
I wanted to get your opinion on the fact that Conrad and co had several different companies Ravelston, Hollinger World, Hollinger Canada, Hollinger in the AM etc etc.
I suppose this might have been done for tax reasons but did it cause the government to think they might be shell companies and were being used in a nefarious way.
Curtis
British Columbia
HE’S INNOCENT
Love you Mark. Keep up the good work against all those commie prosecutors in Chicago. Love to Conrad and Barbara. History will show him to be totally innocent of all those charges. We need someone who can steamroll the so called prosecution system of President Bush. Been talking to Tim Lahaye lately, he thinks that trial definitely symptomatic of impending rapture.
Your devoted fan,
Matt McAuley
IT'S ALL INCREDIBLY BORING
Conrad Black trial is BORING Office Politics!
I, for one, will be very glad when Mark Steyn gets done with the incredibly BORING trial of Conrad Black. I know it is not Mark Steyn's fault that he must cover this BORING trial. I think it is very unfortunate that professional politics means Mark Steyn must cover this BORING case. I hope it does not drag on for months, or years. It has already dragged on for weeks. My daily surfing to Mark Steyn's web site is losing momentum and enthusiasm because he is spending most of his word count on the BORING Conrad Black trial instead of the usual, insightful USA and world politics which I read Mark Steyn for. The Conrad Black trial is BORING! Maybe Mark can tag
team with all the other writers whose jobs fall under the scope of Conrad Black's former influence? That's not a put down on any writers, but please, hasn't Mark Steyn lost enough time on the BORING Conrad Black trial. How long can you keep a straight face, and keep from nodding off in the courtroom?
Bryan E. Leed
JUDGING BY AMY
Mark, as an ex-trial lawyer myself, I might point out that it is possible that Judge Amy is simply "perfecting the record". At least in civil cases, if the judge feels that one side is going to win, then he or she will deny everything the "winning" side asks for and grant all that the "loser" asks. This way, the ultimate loser has very little to appeal or complain about after the verdict. She may be signaling that the prosecution is "having difficulties".
Just a possibility. Cheers! and I want more frequent updates -- hourly!!
Glen Jarrell
Carrollton, Georgia
PROSECUTORS IN PLASTIC
Released from 1972 until 1984 he was the governmental non-action hero type who could master any SEC filing on the way to a board meeting. Extremely skimmable, he has a large button in the centre of his back that causes a signing movement with his arm. On the negative side the vinyl the arms are made from does deteriorate as a result of global warming. Many interesting figures accompanied him including the exotic female figure Marie-Joseé Kravis and there were an array of outfits, accessories and themes such as prosecutors, raiders and accountants. In the last three years these action figures have become increasingly popular and are getting harder to find in a witness protection program.
Rumours abound that these old standbys can't compete with newer models.
http://www.dollsandtoysaustralia.com/Bigjim.html
GI Joe
WHERE’S THE BODY?
Most people are aware how difficult it is for prosecutors to obtain a conviction in a homicide case in the absence of a dead body.
Patrick Fitzgerald and his little band of "turks" are, however going where no prosecutors have gone before. They are attempting to get a conviction in a case where they know or ought to know, no crime was even committed.
Frank Casey
Calgary, Alberta
OBJECTION SUSTAINED?
I can't say why, but for some reason I must know: when the prosecution moved to strike the defense's ten-millionth crack about "skimming," was the motion accepted?
Greg Forster
Indianapolis, Indiana
YOU CAN’T SKIM AN AUDIT
Really enjoying your blog from the Conrad Black trial.
Obviously, it is not possible for three eminently qualified auditors to miss the same 11 paragraphs. But assume that they did; what does that prove? The fact that details of the non-competes were put in writing and sent to an audit committee for approval demonstrates that there was no fraud. Fraud, by definition, involves deceit. If my intention is to deceive, I am not going to put it in writing and send it to an audit committee. An audit is supposed to be a detailed examination and verification of facts. You can't audit by "skimming". Unless, maybe, Kravis, Burt and Thompson were thinking of audit as in auditing a class: to attend informally without working for credits. To argue that the auditors were duped, because they missed the 11 paragraphs, is like saying the informants who advised the RCMP of the impending Air India bombing
were guilty of concealing a crime, because the RCMP didn't take them seriously.
Bill Henderson
Terrace, British Columbia
JUSTIFICATION BY RESULTS
Conrad is right - corporate governance questions have indeed gone awry.
Another good example is Steve Jobs. Since Steve Jobs took over management of Apple computer, the results have been legendary. The stock was at under $20 a share when he took over. After a stock split, it's now hovering around $100, which means an increase in value of over TEN TIMES over his ten year tenure. This means an increase in value of billions of dollars for shareholders.
And yet huge amounts of time has been wasted over a few millions of dollars worth of specially timed stock options to reward Apple executives.
Was this a common, reasonable practice at the time? Yes.
Does any sensible person begrudge these executives the millions they have been paid? No; the high compensation has been fully justified by results.
Has this "scandal" done more to hold down the stock price than moving on? Of course.
Would firing Steve Jobs enormously harm the company? Well, yes.
A federal prosecution is appropriate in areas where executives stole money and harmed the company. I don't think anyone is saying that Steve Jobs or his team have done that. I just don't see the reason for the continued hounding of Jobs and team, in the press and in the government.
Your correspondent Larry Eubank wrote in last time that things looked bad for Conrad because the jury didn't like him.
What he may not have recognized clearly is that the jury doesn't have to love Conrad Black. It would be nice if they liked him, of course, and I actually think that's possible after some of the letters read that humanized him. But even if they don't like him, he's golden as long as they hate him less than the prosecution.
This seems easy.
The prosecution, so far, has managed to make people say things that are clearly not true. The defense has not.
The prosecution has bored the jury to tears. The defense has made the jury laugh.
The prosecution appears to be arguing arcane points of law that make little sense to anyone outside an auditor's cubicle. The defense argues clear facts.
If the trial continues in this vein, I'd try for summary judgement. There's no case and no evidence.
David H Dennis
PRICELESS
I love your columns so much I got up to speed with the Black trial just to understand your comments! Seriously, I've been reading you for years, but these Maclean’s articles are
priceless.
Tsipora
BACKGROUND TO THE BLOG
As a former liberal Canadian, current conservative American, I am reading your Black trial dispatches with keen interest. While I have read your Maclean's blog entries from the beginning of the trial, I am still trying to figure out how this apparent miscarriage of justice started. Did you or someone else pen something a while back that would give us some background on how and why this federal case was initiated?
Ps. I share your shock at how the American legal system "works". With plea bargains, clueless juries, bounty hunters, elected DAs and elected judges it bears no resemblance to anything else in the world.
Phil Trubey
Re: Lights! Laughter! Lesbians!
MORE LESBIAN EROTICA
I just finished reading your column from ten years ago on Ellen's coming out. Funny stuff, I enjoyed it immensely. I should have been reading your stuff for a lot longer than I have been.
And I feel moved to mention - even though it is really a trivial aside, even for me - that Bound is one of my favorite movies, lesbian erotica or not. Of all of the Wachowski Bros films, I like that one the best. Jennifer Tilly is a much more convincing actor than Keanu Reeves.
April B.
San Diego, California
Re: Thank you, American Airlines
YOU’RE A MARXIST
You're such a europhile, worse than most Lefties I run into. You're totally obsessed with that Marxist dark continent. What's your story? So you like European airlines over American ones? Well, I'm sure if the U.S. air carriers weren't so concerned with making a profit and lived off the backs of the tax payers as they do in Euroland and Kanada where the airlines are still state owned, then maybe they would have the luxury of fitting every seat with a TV modem and each with incline of 90 degrees. You make a horrible capitalist Steyn. I'm starting to wonder about you. I think you might be a mole planted into our ranks by the euro socialists. Go ahead and fly British Airways and Air France. I'll take American and Delta, like a true blue capitalist, even without the euro sky whores - nothing but government employees anyway.
Tonio
USA
Re: Great bumper stickers
EATING ANIMALS
I am not a bumper sticker guy, but I did see one a few years back I really liked: "If We Shouldn't Eat Animals, Why Are They Made Out of Meat?"
Johnny Snakehead
SOMEBODY LOVES YOU
My favorite recent one is:
"JESUS LOVES YOU
The rest of us think you're an a!#$hole"
John B Tuffnell
WAR BORES
A sticker I've always found breathtakingly stupid is "War is not the answer." My oldest son, who lives in Atlanta, has a neighbor who set a large sign in his front yard featuring that slogan. It seems that some people never got past their sophomore years in college.
Love your writing.
George Davies
DRIVE-BY DRIVEL
OK, Mark.....love your stuff, and you're a very funny guy (the line in The Corner today about "reflector shades, pass them slowly...." caused me to spit my organic yogurt all over my computer). See what you can do with this one that I just saw this morning:
"There is no way to peace - peace is the way."
Because I live in Madison, WI, I see this sort of drivel all the time.
Fred Schrock
BONZA BUMPER STICKERS
A couple of other, great bumper stickers I've seen lately:
“What part of ‘The Terrorists Want to KILL US’ don't you get moron?”
“I work, therefore I vote conservative”
“You're going to lose in 2008 also”
Gene Rohrer
SCARY ONE
"Visualize This:
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
James Eckert
SYMPATHY FOR BILL
"I'D CHEAT ON HILLARY, TOO"
And my own contribution, although I've been too lazy to have it made
yet:
"DEMOCRATS: BEGGING FOR CHANGE"
Michael
FELLOW TRAVELLER
“If you want peace, work for justice”. This is my favorite. If I run into the driver, I always like to say “so you supported knocking off Saddam, too?'”
The Editor
The Influence Peddler
http://influencepeddler.blogspot.com
GAY WHALES
Here are a couple.
”Earth First! We'll mine the other planets later”
and
“I Love Animals. They're delicious!”
and of course
”Save a Gay Whale for Jesus!”
Mark S Griffith
Parker, Colorado
I’LL PASS ON THE PLASTIC
A friend of mine is a lumberjack, and on his pick up truck his bumper sticker reads,
"If you don't like lumberjacks, try wiping your a** with plastic"
I just love that bumper sticker.
Patrick J Griffin
ACT LOCALLY
Saw this on the bumper of a pick-up truck:
“Forget Word Peace. Envision Using Your Turn Signal”
Mary Prescott
Chicago, Illinois
COMMITED TO EMISSIONS
Currently on My Ford F350 Super Duty truck is:
“Doing My Part To Help My Ancestors Have Great Tans!!”
Kirk Walker
PITHY
Most of the bumper stickers I see around here (northern Virginia – very lib) are the usual garden-variety leftwing, which I don't sympathize with anyway because of my conservative political bent. One I saw recently, however, I thought was pretty. All it said was: "Nice War"
David Sparkman
Alexandria, Virginia
IRONIC
Thought you and the Cornerites might enjoy the juxtaposition of the 2 bumper stickers I spotted on the same car last night. The subject car had only 2 bumper stickers:
First: "The best way to predict the future is to help construct it"
Second: "Keep Abortion Legal"
Ed Lilly
Lawrenceville, New Jersey
VERY ALASKAN
I agree with your take on profanity laced bumper stickers but my favorite of all time was seen in my hometown of Anchorage,. Alaska. In the vein of all those My Kid is an Honor student at...
It read:
“My kid gets straight f***in' A's!”
It seemed to capture that great Alaskan spirit.
Mark
PRESIDENTIAL
While I am not exactly thrilled with the President right now (I could use someone who is more of a champion of conservatism and of going on offense domestically) my bumper sticker does two things. 1. It states undeniable fact, 2. It pisses off anyone with a bumper sticker that I don't like.
“W - Still the President”
Jessi Galinski
IT TAKES A SCHOOL
A friend of mine in Massachusetts (yes) had a bumper sticker that read: "It takes a school to bankrupt a village". In our small, super-liberal town, it was quite apt.
Andrew
HERE’S YOUR HAT
Here in rural Maryland, my favorite is "Cecil County is a great place to visit, but we wouldn't want you to live here." Never fails to make me laugh.
Richard
TASTEFUL
”Feed the homeless to the hungry.”
I always thought that was pretty funny.
John W
Firestone, Colorado
FRAGRANT
Years ago on Martha's Vineyard, in the ante diluvian era when the island was still populated by hardy Yankees and that curious hybrid of enormous wealth and sandal-footed androgynous lefties had not yet swarmed the indigenous folk out of existence, I was driving behind a battered red pick-up truck driven by one of the prototypical, elderly (they no longer came in any other kind) fishermen (and I mean real fishermen – not metrosexual fly casters or dead-end trust-funders with charter boats). He was wearing the de rigueur khaki uniform of that noble race of men, replete with the matching duck-billed khaki cap and had his blue-hair wife riding contentedly in the shotgun seat. There was a lone bumper sticker on the tailgate (presumably purchased at one of the new sundry shops that were displacing the old Main Street dry goods merchants like marauding weeds), one whose charms had apparently appealed to the old couple without their having apprehended the salacious innuendo of its sybaritic Boomer authors: "If It Smells Like Fish, Eat It!"
Just another anecdotal scrap from the decline of the West......
HF
Re: Hugh Hewitt
I MISS JOHN KERRY
Imagine my surprise that Hugh Hewitt thought the same thing as I did in his blog! I wondered the same thing while reading a Bill Bryson book this week---that is, if you knew Bryson (I am reading Notes from a Small Island). It is exactly what I was thinking, not because he also lives in New Hampshire, but Bryson's writing also makes me laugh out loud as with your columns. What an odd coincidence! Of course, you rank high in the funny while educating scale of my reading---there is not another like you.
Here is the quote from Hugh: "But I came to discover the other day a guy named Bill Bryson lives in New Hampshire as well. Have you ever run into him?"
Please write a funny column on the Democratic Debates for me. Or Harry Reid. Or Pelosi.Or Chrissy (go for the capillary) Matthews. I need a good laugh at politics these days as it is going to be a long, long year and a half til 11/08. Take your pick and fire away. Lots of material with the Dems, no? I do miss John Kerry's campaign.
Lindsay White
THE DEMISE OF NEW HAMPSHIRE
Mark, you are more up to date than I on New Hampshire but my impression is that the writer spent his time in Hanover, not the other towns. I also think that the state is filling up with tax-avoiding liberals who seem not to have enough self awareness to understand why they are now living in New Hampshire instead of Taxachusetts.
Michael Kennedy
MIssion Viejo, California
Re: Don’t get even, get mad
STICKS AND STONES
I just read your fine piece, "Don't Get Even, Get Mad." You wrote: "Take the most devastating rapier wit you know * Oscar Wilde, Noel Coward * and put him on a late-night subway train up against a psycho with a baseball bat. The withering putdown, the devastating aphorism will avail him nought."
That reminded me of a scene from Woody Allen's "Manhattan," which went roughly like
this:
Allen: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey, you know? I read this in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, you know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to 'em.
Man: There was this devastating satirical piece on that on the op-ed page of the Times. Devastating.
Allen: Well, well, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point, I think.
Woman: Oh, but really biting satire is always better than physical force.
Allen: No, physical force is always better with Nazis, 'cause it's hard to satirize a guy with shiny boots.
Brian Kalt
Re: French perfume or fresh air?
BRING ON THE BLOODBATH
"Ma responsabilité aujourd'hui, c'est à la fois de lancer une alerte par rapport aux risques de cette candidature et par rapport aux violences et aux brutalités qui se déclencheront dans le pays, a déclaré Ségolène Royal, vendredi 4 mai, sur RTL. Tout le monde le sait mais personne ne le dit, il y a une sorte de tabou." Insistant sur les "provocations" de M. Sarkozy, la candidate socialiste a souligné qu'il y avait une "attente très tendue" dans les quartiers populaires.
Now that's about as disgusting as it is gets, isn't it? "Vote for me, or the mob will burn Paris to the ground"? Note how all concerns for democracy fall by the wayside. You can't vote for the candidate you prefer, because if you do, the mob will destroy you. At least if she were representing the mob and demanding confrontation, we could just arrest her. But no: she's not demanding confrontation. Far from it. That would be irresponsible. In fact, the more irresponsible the message, the more pompously it is delivered as an assertion of "responsibility". The more shallow and irrational and ignorant the idea (only spared the indictment of treason or nihilism because the brain issuing it is so lacking in seriousness), the more the drivel has to,be dressed up as a deep thought surfacing from below the taboos of society.
I prefer Ronald Reagan."If there has to be a bloodbath, then let's get it over with." It was a time when the Berkeley Maoists thought they had a patent on violence, and were gloating over how 'radical' action would gain the Left victory over an intimidated, guilt-ridden America. Reagan responded appropriately. Whereupon thousands of wannabe Mao Tse Tungs dropped their illusions about trampling White America under their boots and fled into the shadows, shrieking like spider monkeys about victimhood (many remain there to this day, living off tenure and bean sprouts, recycling their trash and their ideas.) Of course, Reagan wasn't facing a formidable foe--but as history shows, he had the same reaction when the enemy represented a more serious threat. Let's hope Royal's remarks drive voters into the arms of Sarkozy.
Ezra Marsh
Baltimore
THANKS FOR MENTIONING GREAT-GRANDAD
I look forward each week to reading your column in the Washington Times. Last week I was pleasantly surprised to see the name of my Mom's grandfather, C.H. Roloson, mentioned in your column about President Garfield. My Dad was intrigued, and wondered how you found out about the Roloson company's provision of cooling help to the President.
It sure was "cool" reading my great-grandad's name in your column!
Thanks for making me laugh and think every week.
Pat Gillen
Re: Hold the front page for mid-April
I GANNET LET IT STAND
Mark, I absolutely love you and what you write (in a manly, heteronormative fashion of course), but I cannot let this slide. You have referred to The Tennessean as a "major state newsroom" in a post on The Corner. This cannot stand.
Clearly, you are still suffering from the cultural dislocation that accompanies abandoning hearth & home for a strange new land. One can only hope that eventually you will learn to be comfortable in your new American surroundings and learn to refrain from speaking your mind so freely. In your old country this may have seemed normal; but here it stands out.
Until the newness of the Big Bad US wears off, let me give you a small piece of advice: The Tennessean is staffed entirely by kobold dwarves wholly in thrall to the Democratic Party. Like all Gannett editors, Silverman was first subjected to a backbone-ectomy prior to ascending to his exalted state, and the process of growing a Gannett editor is one of decreasing oxygen flow to the brain over a series of years. As they are shuffled from paper to paper they trail discarded bits of unused gray matter. This results in an inability to discern real news from Democratic Press Releases and, in the fevered remnants of what once were wholly adequate brains, things like Al Gore's mockumentary become indistinguishable from the reality.
Also, the Tennessean sucks, but that's a subjective opinion. My explanation of how Gannett grows editors is 100% objectively verifiable.
Mark T. Gibson
Rockvale, Tennessee
THE VIEW FROM THE ISRAEL-LEBANON BORDER
Hi Mark, I name is Bartley Kulp and I have been reading your column since it was first syndicated in the National Post when I was living in Toronto.
I presently live in Northern Israel with my wife and seven kids. We live in a small town called Safed which is about eight miles from the Lebanese border. It has a population of about 25,000 residents and it is considered (according to Jewish tradition) one the four holy cities in Israel. Among other things it is also the location for the Northern command of the Israeli ground forces. During the war last summer, the town absorbed over 600 katyusha rockets. We spent the first week of the war up here before traveling south to find a temporary quiet location. However I am not writing this letter as some sort of war journal.
You probably know about last weeks interim publishing of the Winograd commission findings about the government’s handling of the war last summer. I know that many people out there are probably looking at this as another Israeli political disaster. I however view this a testimony of the strength of Israeli society. It is both non-partisan and it is no holds barred. Another thing about the report is that it does not mainly criticize specific decisions made during the war but rather the process in which they were made. The people who made up the Post-911 Kean commission could learn alot from the Winograd commission.
Another thing that I am proud to tell about is how Israeli society handled itself during and since the war. Many of your articles deal with societal expectations of the government and how we rely on government to take care of everything. In some societies these go from cradle to grave.
During the war the entire north of the country came under enemy fire the government did not do anything to alleviate conditions for a population under duress. However nobody here waited for the government to step up to the plate. The help came through private initiatives. Through individuals, organizations and amazingly enough big corporations. They did an amazing job of it. Hundreds of thousands of people were housed and fed (I must say almost immediately). Families from stricken communities were given free passes to amusement parks. Thousands of volunteers drove up to the war zone to bring food clothing medication and childrens games. Hell, they even helped the army too. It's amazing what people can do when they don't wait for the government to tell them what to do.
Another thing is that the economy expanded 4.6 percent for 2006 in spite of the war and an unprecedented amount of government scandals (if that is possible here). This year it is predicted to expand another 5 percent. That is thanks to deregulation.
Lastly I would like to discuss public polls here. The trend here is that the public is becoming more centrist in sentiment. Not right-wing meaning "if only we would hit them harder," or left wing meaning "if only we would kiss more ass," which are common societal responses under crises. I think this trend also comes from a society that no longer thinks of its government as some sort of fairy godmother. I think that might also be one of the roots of extremism in many other societies. I also think that there is fundamentally a strong faith in god here (despite the secular veneer) that allows this to be so. It is more calming to rely on your own effort and put the rest up god than to rely on the government. So much for religion being the sole cause of extremism.
Come to think about it if I was sitting ten miles north of here from where I am typing this letter watching this society, I would be shitting in my pants.
Please tell me if any of this resonates with anything you write about.
Bartley Kulp
Safed, Israel
WHERE TO GO FROM HERE?
I believe you....now what?
Mr. Steyn,
I am a young attorney and Naval Officer (Judge Advocate) currently serving with the USMC in Fallujah. While I have been able to make a contribution here, my starkest disappointment is that in many cases "the law" is implemented to hold us back from real victory, and not to help achieve it. Which leads me to my real question.
I concur with both your assessment of the dire state of the world and with your occasional sense of despair. As a 28-year-old man with a career in front of me, my question is what to do about it. I had long planned to become a federal prosecutor after my time in the Navy, and that remains a leading option. Certainly a role in anti-terrorism at Justice would be a "rewarding" job were one to attain it. Considering my experience here in Iraq, though, and my view of the situation at large, I am now not certain that more lawyering is the primary need.
It seems to me that what is really needed is 1) tough, enlightened political leadership, and 2) real warriors - not the talking kind. I have thus considered 1) an eventual effort at politics, and 2) seeking work in counter-terrorism, possibly via one of the agencies (FBI/etc.). Politics strikes me as something one ought not get involved in too young - I have a few decades between here and there. The primary downside to the other option, it seems, is that far more than lawyering it makes a future in politics difficult. How one goes from a mid-level counter-terrorism agent to an influential senator is not entirely clear to me.
Which is the position of maximum impact? I know you're a busy man, and have larger things on your mind than one man's career, but your ruminations tend to be valuable - I've never found myself wanting to FIGHT these people more than while reading your work. Any brilliant insight into how best to do so would be good to think through.
What is really needed?
C W
Fallujah, Iraq
BRAIN DRAIN
In the same way that the Scottish were worried about teachers’ jobs as children disappear, so Canadians worry about academics jobs:
Unbelievable!
John C. Ashton
Company Bay
New Zealand
MOLTEN STEEL
They say that gasoline melted part of the overpass. Even the steel. I thought Saint Rosie said that the WTC was the first time that fire melted steel.
I guess they must be putting something in the oil to make it melt steel. Maybe it's the ethanol?
Bill Patterson
NOT A FAN
First you smear the Virginia Tech shootings by saying represented a "systemic failure", and before you said "I don't think it's possible for anyone who looks at Iraq honestly to see it as anything other than a success story."
Honestly, know what I think? You're a f***ing self-inflated, semi-retarded moron. Drop dead.
Not A Fan
Nowhere Near You, Canada
NAP, NOT NAPPIES
Just a note re nappy-headed - it has nothing to do with diapers!
Nappy has long been a way among “negro, colored, now black” people to refer to their kinky hair, especially when it's a little messy. It has a “nap” – same “nap” as in textiles.
Anita Kern
Toronto
WRECKED DAY
Ummmm my Sunday paper was ruined today, thanks a lot.
Michael Bird
STRANGE TIMES
Where were you in the Chicago Sun-Times today....Sunday, 6th of May? I get up at 5:30 to read your stuff, and was sorely disappointed. Hope you haven't parted ways with another newspaper.
Sara McLain
Pittsburgh
DEAD AND GONE?
What happened to Post Mortem in The Atlantic? That was my favorite column?
Steve
BEARDS
Excellent Ave Atque Vale on Saparmurat Niyazov!
A question for you: what's pogonophobic? as in "Turkmenistan was the most pogonophobic Stan in the world"? I dig the phobic part, but what about "pogono"?
“Onetwothreefour”
DEMOCRATS DAY
How come on 1 May your site wasn't emblazoned with a banner which read-
To All Our Democratic Readers: Happy May Day?
Will Stroock
Bridgewater, New Jersey
ALL IS NOT LOST
The pleasure I derive from your website knows no bounds. I recorded your Australian media appearances, transferred to DVD and when my wife and I feel that all is lost in the world we put it on and dare to dream perhaps it isn't so. Your humour, for me, is very reminiscent of Peter Simple in the 1960's. Keep up the fight, a vast silent majority supports you.
Peter Ledden
Perth, Western Australia
WATCH YOUR BACK
It was a great pleasure attending your talks at Berkeley and getting the opportunity to chat with you (I'm the guy who is the former FBI Agent; now I'm a lawyer). I'm also glad your reception did not include the Code Pink crowd.
I hope you are taking those death threats you receive seriously; not to be morbid, but all it takes is one jihadi.
Best regards, and thanks for your vast contributions to victory...
Mark Mallah
San Ramon, California
LAST WORD
Thanks for the refresh of Marks website. Good to see that it fills the width of the page better. I'm also glad you decided against using the animated book covers cycling that was so distracting to the eye.
Is there any plans to incorporate a forum into the site to discuss Mark’s work? I think it would be a great addition and I can imagine there being some very lively debates. I'm sure it would generate a lot of repeat traffic.
Cheers to Mark and his team
John
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