Twenty years ago this month, the Godzilla reboot du jour opened. Which isn't really an anniversary worth commemorating. Except that it also means it's the 21st anniversary of the ingenious advertising campaign launched a year earlier. Do you remember that one? They began showing the trailer in early summer 1997β the usual brilliant two minutes, featuring one of the film's better vignettes: some old coot fishing off the end of a rickety wharf suddenly gets a nibble on his line; as he struggles to hold on to his rod, the sea swells and the jetty begins to vibrate; Japan's most famous movie monster is about to arrive in Manhattan:
Size Does Matter.
Godzilla.
Coming in Summer 1998.
Audiences whooped and cheered and roared their approval. The studio, having spent $140 million making the film, blew through not much less on the campaign: absolutely everyone β according to delirious preview pieces from newspapers, magazines, radio and TV shows β was dying to see what the new Hollywood-size Godzilla looked like. But the producers were keeping him under wraps; there were stories about people close to the project trying to sneak out designs, and some fellows leaked models of the action-toy tie-in which proved to be false. Kodak (yes, that's how long ago it was) built their summer ad campaign around a guy trying to get souvenir snaps of the stompin' lizard.
And then the film opened.
And everyone who went on that opening weekend said actually, you know, it's kinda boring. By the second weekend, it was dead. Godzilla came ashore and fell flat on his face. It was the early days of the Internet, which was why Kodak and Main Street camera shops were still around, but Godzilla's formerly ingenious trailer inspired a prototype "meme", as altered (if not yet PhotoShopped) images from cyber-wags popped up observing "Plot Does Matter".
In the old low-budget days, when Godzilla was just a bit of eight inch Japanese Plasticine, the post-nuclear mutant sea monster was seen β by Tokyo audiences anyway β as a metaphor for the American occupation and submission of Japan. Forty-four years later, in the great Asiatic icon's first Hollywood film, from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin (creators of Independence Day), metaphors of any kind seem to have been lost at sea. But, as Godzilla sets about trashing Wall Street, the Chrysler Building, Grand Central Station, the Plaza Hotel, Madison Square Garden, the Brooklyn Bridge and every other New York landmark, it's possible to see the old nuclear lizard as the embodiment of a gargantuan globalized culture that threatens to engulf the authentic American experience. Yes, I know it's a bit of a stretch, but the alternative is being bored to death β yawn, there goes the Flat Iron Building; didn't we see that the previous year in Independence Day?
In what passes for a humorous moment, the French secret service agents are equipped wuth sticks of chewing-gum to make them appear more American. But the film-makers themselves seem little better informed. There are aspects of Godzilla so bewildering as to make you doubt whether it was made by Americans at all: for example, no-one in the film, including the mayor, seems aware that New York City extends beyond the island of Manhattan. As for the French, we know they're French because they like ... croissants.
I recall having just read around that time some clever piece in The New Yorker by Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr (later the star honoree at Obama's first beer summit) asserting that what America calls "globalization" the rest of the world calls "Americanization". They may well do so, but I scoffed at the time that, at least as far as motion pictures are concerned, the "global" term is the correct one. American companies crank out most of this so-called global culture, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's very American. Rather than Americanizing Europe and Asia, this stuff was actually de-Americanizing American pop culture - and in particular making American movies less American.
There are many fine, professional aspects of Godzilla - not least the score by our old 007 pal David Arnold. But, given that 'Zil was the biggest dudsville loser lizard of the summer, you'd figure Hollywood would think twice about blowing any more 140-million-buck budgets on rampaging monsters, right? That was a lot of dough in 1998: You could have made a hundred Full Montys for the cost of this thing. But, even twenty years ago, that was no longer the way Hollywood ran the numbers anymore. Kevin Costner's $200 million Waterworld was a busted flush at the US box-office, but in the rest of the world they loved it. And Godzilla, after underwhelming at home, would prove equally lethal abroad. That's why, even as his size shrank, he mattered - and planning for next year's summer blockbusters proceeded unchanged. Americans were now the first victims of "Americanization", of Hollywood's dominant position as purveyors of entertainment to the planet. Size does matter: the movie business had gotten too big for the domestic market. In fact, if it's any consolation to the multicultural crowd, the most important or anyway the most reliable demographic among the cinemagoing public is young Asian men.
A decade and a half later, the talented producer Lynda Obst, with whom I once had a combative but very jolly time on a debate panel at Paramount, wrote a thesis on the subject that I discussed five years ago:
Lynda Obst has a new book out purporting to explain the age of globalized 'tentpole' 'franchise' movies selling on 'pre-awareness'. It's called, after her best-known romantic comedy, Sleepless in Hollywood...
What did I call those 3D glasses? Cardboard spectacles'? As Ms. Obst explains in her book, they love 3D overseas. So Hollywood now makes cardboard spectacles for the youth of developing countries, a half-billion-dollar summer stock for the barns of Asia. In Guangdong, the Chinese make America's Walmart filler; in Hollywood, America makes China's multiplex filler. The Chinese were the co-producers of the recent futuristic dystopian time-travel shoot-'em-up Looper, which I dimly recollect as a film so disciplined about its nothingness that, when the old Bruce Willis materializes from the future and meets his younger self and the young Bruce asks old Bruce if he'll remember meeting young Bruce upon his return to the future, old Bruce advises him not to get hung up on details. Don't even think about it.
And so it goes on: Iron Man 4, Cardboard Man 6, Franchise Man 12. I'm half-ashamed I even know that word, but that's Hollywood β from Franchot Tone to franchise drone.
Superheroes weren't yet dominant in the summer of 1998, but they were waiting, caped and spandexed, in the wings: 3DMan, TentpoleMan, RebootMan... Of all the pop-culture icons, only poor old Godzilla reliably fell at the first fence, every time. Four years ago, in the first half-decade of Warmzilla Michael Mann's Big Climate defamation suit against me, the 1998 Godzilla got rebooted for the even more moronized marketplace of 2014, and Y was thrilled to see this headline in (appropriately) The Daily Beast:
'Godzilla' Director Gareth Edwards Says Godzilla Is a 'God' Protecting Mankind Against Climate Change
Yeah, now you're talking! There's a metaphor I can get behind. Michael Mannzilla rampages across the planet squashing deniers all around and hurling SUVs into the volcano. But he doesn't stop there, and soon he's crushing decent hardworking scientists like Lennart Bengtsson and Judith Curry under his giant scaly reptilian foot. Jessica Alba, looking very fetching in a fake-fur-trimmed bikini, tries to tell Mannzilla he needs to get help, but he breathes blue flame at her and her bikini falls off...
Alas, Gareth Edwards decided to go in another direction:
At the beginning when they find the fossils, it was important to me that they didn't just find themβit was caused by our abuse of the planet. We deserved it, in a way. So there's this rainforest with a big scar in the landscape with this quarry, slave labor, and a Western company. You have to ask yourself, 'What does Godzilla represent?' The thing we kept coming up with is that he's a force of nature, and if nature had a mascot, it would be Godzilla. So what do the other creatures represent? They represent man's abuse of nature, and the idea is that Godzilla is coming to restore balance to something mankind has disrupted...
Oh, dear. So, like The Guardian's climate-change-kidnapped-the-Nigerian-schoolgirls story, it's just another it's-all-our-fault plaint:
Stories have been used for a long time to smuggle the morals of the day inside them, and today, people are worried about global warming.
Maybe at cocktail parties with studio vice-presidents. Fortunately, Gareth Edwards' powerful "message" was apparently all but undetectable to any but the most alert moviegoers. It might have been a more effective metaphor for that earlier Godzilla of 1998 - ie, the year global warming stopped, or "paused".
At my local movie theater that week, I had a choice betwen Godzilla in 3D and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 in 3D. That's it. And it's only gotten worse since. God, I'm beginning to pine for a chick flick, even in 3D: They're talking about their feelings right in your face! How about The King's Speech 2? He's b-b-b-b-back and this time he's a-a-a-angry! In 3D! It's like he's stammering right in your ear...
I'm thinking of pitching Paramount my new summer blockbuster Metaphorzilla, in which a giant monster starts terrorizing everybody and we all assume that it's a metaphor for something - climate change, Trump, Stormy Daniels' non-disclosure agreement - and then the horrible truth dawns that it isn't a metaphor for anything at all: it's just a two-dimensional cardboard character you can only see through 3D cardboard glasses...
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33 Member Comments
"You could have made a hundred Full Montys for the cost of this thing."
If only. Then there'd be a hundred films from Hollywood actually worth watching.
I just purchased tickets to Metaphorzilla online, they're going fast!
Mark - I have invented your next Club Special. It is a movie. A veritable blockbuster.
"Mutiny on The Titanic - Deep State Lawfare."
Ninja attacks from CRTV...Icebergs from Antarctica...Meteorites from Planet Mann...a plague of feral katz... all as you drift down from the East Coast.
The Titanic? At least that's one they can't blame on the Jews. It was an iceberg, not a Goldberg. - Gilbert Gottfried.
Ever noticed that in the 60 year history of Giant Monster/Alien Invasion movies, the two famous buildings that are never destroyed on screen are:
UN Headquarters, and the Kaaba in Mecca?
Two exceptions: The UN gets whittled down to nothing with a laser beam, in one of the Pink Panther movies.
And for a few glorious seconds, the titular Giant Claw (1957) chomps a chuck off the roof.
While not strictly a _giant_ monster flick (despite its title), the creature in The Colossus of New York (released the following year -- make of that what you will) goes on a too-brief rampage in the building's foyer.
Funny that you should mention this now. If I recall correctly the same idea, nuclear causing world changes, the birth of Climate Change ideas by a marine biologist, is amusing except that it gave birth to the Gore phenomena at Harvard when he was seventeen. Some people never grow up. I mentioned to a fellow just last night that when you look at the Hawaii volcano effects, any rational human being would see that what we do is like a gnat on an elephant in this place we call Earth, a big sphere made of rock, some hard and cold, some soft and very hot. Who is Man that God should be mindful of him? Love, not power.
One quick quibble. The original Godzilla wasn't a stop-motion model, it was a guy rampaging around in a lizard suit. So it was even more charmingly low budget!
Who does this sound like?
"The thing we kept coming up with is that he's a force of nature, and if nature had a mascot, it would be [Donald Trump]. So what do the other creatures represent? They represent man's abuse of nature, and the idea is that [Donald Trump] is coming to restore balance to something mankind has disrupted."
Trump is a force of nature (rainbow or tornado, depending on your point of view). Whether he is restoring balance or disrupting it also depends on your point of view, though I would argue he's doing both--and a good thing, too. A great big orange monster staggers across our screens, tweeting fire, and trampling everything in its path. I'll miss Grand Central and the Flatiron Building, but if that's collateral damage for taking out the Times building and NBC's HQ at 30 Rock, well, we may have to destroy the failing entity of the modern American city (Albany, Baltimore, Chicago, Detroit, Erie, Flint, alphabetically) in order to save it.
Heh. did that movie ever deserve that.
(How many times can Hollywood destroy NYC and still get a rise out of the audience? And size matters. A creature taller than half the buildings in NYC cannot just dive underground and hide. Did they think the audience doesn't know anything about building foundations, construction and bedrock or did they just not care whatever? CGI just made them all lazy? ugh)
We liked the more recent "Godzilla" reboot. Luckily, I didn't know it was a metaphor for climate change. I just thought it was about a nuclear-fueled monster battling a giant lizard-like monster and destroying a whole lotta stuff.
I mean, it was no "Ghidra, the Three Headed Monster," but that's ok.
The Rifftrax guys had a good time with the 1998 "Godzilla." While watching Godzilla eat the fish being used as bait, a soldier sneers, "Stuff yourself, you bastard!"
Rifftrax: That's Golden Corral's new marketing slogan!"
Something I find interesting is the concept of the "movie person". I would assume Mark is one whereas I am not. I have a friend who is a movie person. He's always saying things to me and then looking at me expectantly while I return a blank stare. "Don't you recognize that? It's from (fill in a movie title)." I usually respond with, "never saw it." That blows his mind and he'll proceed to tell me all about it and I say I'll check it out. I won't.
The last movie I saw in a theater was the first of the "Lord of the Rings" movies. That was the year 2000, wasn't it? I take that back, I did go see the first "Hobbit" movie in a theater. But I digress. I guess what I'm saying is that movies just aren't my thing. Does that make me weird? (Please spare me all the, "well, that's one thing" jokes.)
Stay home and watch TCM. Much mo' better.
I spent many hours stuck in L.A. traffic with this billboard. "I have huge letters," it blared. "You have to watch me. I am descended from royal Hollywood blood. Do it for capitalism's sake. Don't let King Kong hold the monopoly." I didn't take up the offer.
I love L.A.; the old L.A.; which somehow you can still feel through the old buildings. It endures, choked by post-modernist film.
I couldn't avoid the 2014 reboot. After a flight was diverted to Honolulu because of a faulty fuel pump; with time to kill; I walked down to Waikiki Beach and watched a scene of the Edwards reboot being filmed. Later, when I saw the movie, the Al Gore angle was lost on me. Most vividly, while on-scene, I remember the Hawaii news chopper lying atop a jumble of ruins on the beach. Godzilla had swiped it out of the sky, which warmed my heart.
"I have huge letters."
Sol, I always enjoy your comments but this one in particular really tickled me.
I laughed like a jackass for about five solid minutes (and actually had trouble breathing) while reading a Dave Barry column collection. That happens a lot with me and his stuff, but in this particular case, it was about going to the doctor or dentist, and was something like:
"If you look closely at all those diplomas, they really just say 'FREDERICK MARSHMALLOW III HAS A BIG PIECE OF PAPER ON HIS WALL'"
I've never wondered if I married the right guy (although I do wonder frequently why he married ME...) because, for instance, from our balcony you can see a medium height office building with an unusual-for-our-area company sign on the top left, letterhead-style.
And my husband always says: "Pace Law Firm: Our Sign Lights Up!"
All that to say that the three of us would all get along splendidly!
PS: I hate the Godzilla movies. They're just boring. In fact, I consider them "those wily Japs'" subtle revenge on the West for nuking them twice.
If this really is the worst, er, "fallout" we experience after nuking our enemies, I fail to see why we don't do it more frequently...
That's funny. Election signs have popped up for the primary next month, and I keep imagining myself running a campaign based purely on the signs themselves, since it seems like such an odd way of persuading voters. Never mind my platform, look at my signs.
Maybe I'll see you on the cruise!
Let's face facts. With the exception of Raymond Burr's star turn in the '56 original, there's nothing to warrant watching any Godzilla movie to date. Can we move on to "Mothra"? Now that's a great movie!
So long as Steynzilla keeps coming back with his superwit to slay the Mannsters and Katzsters, I'll pass on the others...
I had a couple shots of Daniels and things seemed to get stormy. Seeking the cause of the uproar I lifted my glasses from the table and upon looking through the bottom I could see that the mess was being caused by a 2(double?)D creature thrashing around in the swamp, raking and throwing muck everywhere. It obviously wasn't someone from my Alba-mater because it didn't have the class, and this 2D creature seemed to exist for the most part in the 1D media. That's when I realized that it was nothing more than a tempest in a D cup.
Tom: I didn't get all of the references, but those that I did....hilarious!
Thanks Fred.
It's really just somewhat of a current affairs commentary.
I'll drink to that! Make mine a double.
As a teenager, I worked at the popcorn counter at a movie theatre, a time that coincided with one of those "3D revivals" that crop up like plagues of locusts on a semi-regular basis.
Numerous customers would walk around in the lobby wearing their 3D glasses, then complain to us that they weren't "seeing anything special."
Being forced to repeatedly mouth the phrase "Yes, because the WORLD is ALREADY 3D" as politely as possible crushed my already shrivelled soul...
For a while I worked part time as an usher at a movie theatre and also on Sunday nights as an exhibitionist, I mean, projectionist, when the regular guy had his night off so that he could sleep at home instead. I didn't experience the cardboard 3D glasses at work. All the same I look back at much of the 80's movie selection with fondness. It was a time when people could go to a show and have fun without some Left wing nutbar trying to make them feel guilty for doing so. The West was still proud of it's cultural inheritance and it showed in the confidence displayed on screen. At that time the future looked as bright as a summer day. It was such a short season.
I really like the "King's Sp-Sp-Sp-Voice" idea.
Or, how about a movie about a profound pontificator (or, depending on perspective, a senile rambler) starring Robert De Niro? It could be entitled...drumroll..."Raging Bull 2."
Great idea!
Speaking of royals and rambling, Mark's explanation of the origin of "lit up", during the Q&A the other day, was the Funniest Thing Ever!
As for bad eco-doom movies, the worst has to be "Downsizing", which started well, but the self-deprecating intro' turned out to be too good to be true.
Steyn-san!
We must harken back to 1968 to "Destroy All Monsters!" So many Monsters have shown up in America over the last 50 years! We must immediately Launch Super Rocket Ship X-2 - NO WAIT!!! That's the OLD ONE! We need to launch a Brand New Super Rocket Ship X-3 and...
DESTROY ALL MONSTERS!
Hai! Steyn-san!
I have an idea that I want to share with you about a song that you should sing next...
Did you watch or bet the Kentucky Derby today Mr Steyn?
The rainiest Kentucky Derby and the first horse to win, who hadn't run as a two-year-old, in 136 years!
It's best not to over-think Hollywood productions. I liked this Godzilla movie because Jean Reno was in it & NY got a thrashing. The enviro-nonsense about nuclear pollution just has to be ignored.
So 20 years ago they were waiting for Godot-zilla, but he never showed up?
Nice!!