As a teen, I read an old movie review by Pauline Kael, in which she complained that some contemporaneous satirical film was inferior to a similar one made back in 1950, called Champagne for Caesar.
That weird title lodged in my brain; I never stopped scanning TV Guide listings for Champagne for Caesar, and it wasn't until a couple of years ago that I finally saw it.
Which is odd.
Because six years before those infamous quiz show scandals rocked America, Champagne for Caesar not only satirized those popular programs, but used a then-unthinkable "fix" as a cute, plot-resolving punchline (a la Joe E. Lewis' immortal "Well, nobody's perfect" at the end of Some Like It Hot a decade later.)
Not even the success of Robert Redford's Quiz Show in 1994 revived interest in Champagne for Caesar, despite one critic's eloquent effort.
More recently, the Great Glenn Beck Moral Panic (remember that?) produced no end of tedious, tendentious "think pieces" claiming that Beck's rise had been foreshadowed by Network in 1976 (and, once they'd drained that particular metaphorical motherlode, 1957's A Face in the Crowd.)
But despite being the "D-Day crossword" of moviedom's snotty spoofs of the (rival) television industry, Champagne for Caesar was never so much as name-checked.
Barely a handful of us care. And this prescient yet unpretentious little comedy deserves better:
Child prodigy turned middle-aged polymath Beauregard Bottomley (Ronald Colman) is chronically unemployed in spite (or perhaps because) of his pair of PhDs. As he tells the employment office clerk (with whom he's on a first-name basis), "If you know everything, you're not wanted around for long."
That sounds like some Aspergian autodidact's alibi, but besides being a self-described know-it-all, Bottomley is also witty, charming and outgoing; well-mannered and -dressed. (See, "Colman, Robert," above.) This is decidedly not the clumsy, stuttering "intellectual" we're accustomed to seeing in older and more renowned screwball comedies like Bringing Up Baby and Ball of Fire.
So we're left wondering why Bottomley's not an academic or otherwise gainfully occupied: That single unsatisfactory line is all we get — surely somebody could have shoehorned a half-assed "overqualified" into this script — but whatever:
As my late mother always "explained," "But then there'd be no story..."
Bottomley's job hunt takes him to the head office of Milady Soap (which seems to have been decorated by Man Ray in collaboration with Liberace.) He's this close to getting hired, but rubs the neurotic, mercurial company president Burnbridge Waters (Vincent Price, having a marvelous time) the wrong way.
That evening, Bottomley catches a few moments of a silly quiz show called Masquerade for Money, sponsored by... Milady Soap. Bottomley plots his revenge:
As a contestant, he'll easily answer the show's insipid questions, and keep doubling his prize money each week until he racks up $40 million, the precise amount he's calculated he'll need to bankrupt — then take over — Milady Soap...
As produced, written and directed by some guys you've never heard of, Champagne for Caesar is more Frank Tashlin than Preston Sturges, with all that implies in terms of tone, not to mention artisanal precision.
Example: In pretty much every movie starring Bette Davis or Joan Crawford, at least one cast member is obligated to observe that these women (I mean, their characters, their characters!) are devastatingly beautiful. Now, I adore both actresses enough to be accustomed to, and frankly touched by, this insistent screenplay tic. However, something identical yet even less believable mars Champagne for Caesar, except this time the irresistible specimen repeatedly presented for our tacit appreciation is... Art Linkletter.
Now, casting an actual quiz show host as a make-believe quiz show host was, I suppose, a cute, pre-post-modern wink of verisimilitude (think of Richard Dawson's memorable turn in The Running Man decades later), but why insist on presenting potato-faced Linkletter, of all people, as a "dreamboat" forever set-upon by swooning bobby-soxers?
And "What is the Japanese word for 'goodbye'?" couldn't have possibly been considered a "not very easy" quiz question a mere five years after Hiroshima...
Also? The movie's title IS stupid.
So yes, a more talented and ambitious team could have sharpened the satire by smoothing over such speed bumps, but perhaps it's just as well:
I yield to no one in my admiration for Billy Wilder's Ace in the Hole, another satire of mass media mania released just one year later — but the creators of Champagne for Caesar were evidentially uninterested in or incapable of being as "take-no-prisoners" cynical as Wilder, or A Face in the Crowd's Kazan. Hell, the 1955 Gene Kelly musical nothing It's Always Fair Weather takes sharper jabs at the "boob tube" (as it was then-fashionable to describe the cathode ray cancer said to be metastasizing across the nation.)
Refreshingly, Masquerade for Money's viewers aren't moronic grasping suckers; they adore, rather than resent, the brainy Bottomley. (The word "egghead," which we've been lead to believe was a commonplace insult of the era, never appears in this script.)
Furthermore, the likes of J. D. Salinger's tragic "quiz kids" are blessedly absent. (Perhaps, in some pleasant alternative parallel universe, they've been kidnapped and buried alive.)
Nor is it revealed that, oh, I dunno know, Milady Soap is rendered from some noxious "secret" ingredient.
No, Champagne for Caesar is more confectionary than cynical – it's one of the few black and white movies I've ever seen that would have been improved had it been shot in color instead.
Champagne for Caesar is worth seeking out, although not for the reasons its few latter-day fans insist:
This movie isn't really a "look back at a more innocent time" — its double and triple crosses, craven executives and assorted connivers are hardly evidence of a more wholesome era (even if the players are, to our blighted 21st century eyes and ears, impeccably dressed, uniformly slim and disinclined to swearing.)
Many satires aim to not just send up the present, but predict the future. Few succeed as well as Champagne for Caesar, with the added bonus that it's a treat — and not an "eat-your-spinach" chore — to watch. If you can ever find it.
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Glad you saw fit to comment on "Champagne for Caesar", always a favorite of mine. (Although some of what you say seems to be damning with faint praise.) For my money it is a far more effective commentary on quiz shows than, well, "Quiz Show." The latter was bogged down by usual lugubrious Robert Redford approach to subject matter and the shock (that we are all supposed to feel for some reason) that this could have involved a member of the exalted Van Doren family.
"Champagne for Caesar" is a showcase for the easy grace of Ronald Coleman and the comic bluster of Vincent Price. The latter hams if up with great timing and appropriate verve. The scene where Burgridge Waters thinks that he has finally stumped Beauregard Bottomley on a physics question only to have Albert Einstein call in and say that Bottomley is right is priceless. Only Vincent Price could react with such soul-tearing, yet comic, anguish. And of course Celeste Holm provides her typical stylish and witty performance.
I've always thought that this is a film that needs to be remade with something like Microsoft or Facebook on the line. But Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates are such bland corporate creatures that trying to parody them would be a tough task.
Thank you for the review. I read it this morning and immediately watched Champagne for Caesar on my tablet. Took just a minute to find a good, crisp, uncut print.
Very entertaining and Celeste Holm was, as always, perfect. The IRS angle was terrific too.
But I'm still trying to figure out how I missed this fun romp. Classic movie suggestions -- just one of the many benefits of membership in the club!
Wow Terry that is very cool. So glad you found a decent print. I'd have to dig deeper but I suspect the movie just fell into obscurity when one studio bought another or some distributor or other went out of business.
Where did you find it? I know we can't post links. but can you tell us the website?
I bought the DVD at Amazon. Look for the Image Entertainment DVD, which is about 10 years old, making it the newest one I could fine. I can't recommend a copy from a different distributor.
A few random comments. Joe E. Brown, not Joe E. Lewis, was in "Some Like It Hot" and a huge number of other movies, in which he was always delightful. And speaking of delightful, I had the pleasure of spending about half a day with Vincent Price, who was charming and gracious by anyone's standards, not the rather low standards set for celebrities. He actually curled his fairly tall frame into the back seat of my Ford Pinto so the woman who was with us could have the front passenger's seat. His performance as Roderick Usher in "The Fall of the House of Usher" is etched in my memory. And Ronald Coleman was always excellent. I have watched "A Tale of Two Cities" and "The Prisoner of Zenda" many times and would happily do so again. And yet I never heard of "Champagne for Caesar." I will have to see if a DVD is available via Netflix.
Calvert, many thanks! A very stupid error on my part--so embarrassing!
Vincent Price was by all accounts a delight. Long ago, I wrote about Price coming to my pokey little hometown to record some interstitials for our local "horror host" type TV show. The crew remembered him so fondly: Besides nailing every take the first time (knowing they were on a limited budget), he treated the crew to a boozy lunch and told them stories of all the stars he'd met and so on.
The DVD is available via Amazon but not on Prime TV. As I told another commenter, the quality isn't as great as we're used to these days, but it is MUCH better than that in the clips I used in the column.
...Kathy's discovery of this film reminds me of my own revelation that Hollywood movies could have more depth than I had previously known. I flipped on the TV one Saturday afternoon as a teen, and entered a world of such cynicism, the shock still hasn't yet worn off. An unlikely war hero (and, as it turns out, an unreal one) returns home to undeserved and unwelcome adulation. I didn't recognize a single actor, save the sarcastic wise-cracker, William Demarest, I recognized as Uncle Charlie from TV's My Three Sons. The townspeople demand the faux hero run for mayor, and the campaign song, "We Want Woodrow for Our Mayor", burrowed in my brain to live long after I had forgotten the rest of the film. ("Up our hero goes, and down this zero goes, 'cause we want Woodrow for our Mayor.")
Of course, as I later learned, I had "discovered" Preston Sturges. Hail the Conquering Hero isn't even my favorite Sturges, but as my first, it will always be, well, my first. (Sturges is Capra with a wicked hangover, if you haven't had the, uh pleasure.)...
Great description of Sturges!
These days the product of Hollywood's fevered brow is simply a vehicle which can be run through the usual channels emitting "compensation" to the loyal actors and so on.
The BBC, for instance, has a subsidiary vehicle rewarding Pointless Freelancers from their collection of the License Tax.
Ensuring the conformity of the inhabitants of the public arena usually involves stick and carrot. Rather fortunate that the comrades in charge are very handy with the stick.
Ok, so Milady Soap is not Soylent Green? This sounds like a movie worth seeing, if only to catch a bit of Ronald "ah yes if I were king" Coleman. The accent alone would be worth a look. It reminds my just a bit of My Favorite Year.
I know what you mean about Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. As for the latter, I'm afraid she always left me cold (absolute zero cold), but for Bette, I have to say that her transformation from frumpy old maid to dazzling socialite in Now Voyager did allow me to suspend my disbelief just a little bit. It didn't hurt that the movie had Claude Rains and Paul Henreid. That movie's a guilty pleasure.
My husband calls "Now, Voyager" "Not That Thing Again" due to my habit of watching it whenever it comes on. One of the touchstones of my life. So beautiful!
I cry at the end of "Dark Victory" and "The Old Maid" every time as well. TCM recently aired the latter and I was a mess for an hour after the finale.
"Not That Thing Again". Funny. I've sometimes thought of going on a TCM cruise, but then I remember Ben "Young Turk" Mankiewicz would be running it. Whenever I get down, I like to replay their broadcast of Nov 8, 2016. Never gets old.
I'd love to be able to discuss movies without having to continually self-edit. That's one of the charms of the Steyn cruises. Maybe an informal gathering en route to Alaska?
Yes isn't that video hilarious, the Young Turks melting down on election night!
See you on the cruise, Chris!
Not being a "movie guy", I don't comment here much. However, Kathy, who does a great job btw, says something below that I've wondered about since the beginning: why no new movies? Are you people aware that movie making didn't end in the early '70s? While some of you may be older than me, I doubt that very many of you are that much older than me. So why the fascination with movies that came out before you were born?
As an aside, I'd love to see some opining on TV shows. In fact, if anyone would like to debate which is better, I'll take the side of TV and mop my very dirty floor with you. And this is on topic as the movie here is described as a swipe at the rival television industry.
Now back to the current century!
It is a bit like fine wine and vintage cars - they improve with age. Ditto plays - Shakespeare gets better every year.
But directly to your point - there are very few "new" movies - lots or remakes and pre-se-post-quels and comic book superhero series ad infinitum that most people never gave a damn about when they were clean, decent, All-American heroes.
Perry beat me to it, below:
What "new" movies? Half are tattered comic franchises, and the rest are "woke" dramas "based on a true story" in which the "true story" has been fiddled with.
The other "problem" is that as a lifelong movie buff, few new movies can withstand me thinking, "XYZ movie did this better." My then-boyfriend and I spent the entirety of the supposedly "brilliantly original" "Pulp Fictions" noting aloud the stuff QT "borrowed" from superior films.
Once or twice a year, a movie comes along that seems like it was practically made just for me -- "I, Tonya" comes to mind. And even then, I can be bothered to shift myself and go to the theatre, where I'll be irritated by other people and their cell phones and screaming babies.
The last movie I saw in theatres was "Dunkirk," in one of those VIP screenings with the comfy seats. And that was at the behest of my WWII-buff husband (who complained about historical inaccuracies throughout) :-)
So I make a note to watch it when it finally comes on TV, on one of the "uncut" type channels like Showcase.
That's how I "discovered" worthwhile recent films like "Tropic Thunder" and, well, I'd have to think...
But understand: I'm only now starting to watch (and love, like everyone) "The Office" -- but 10 years after it went off the air :-)
I'm the same with music: I stopped caring about new stuff around 1995. After that I reached the age where everything new sounded like noise. I guess new movies feel that way to me too.
Kathy, while tempted to think of your and Perry's musings as the work of a couple of sour, old cranks, there may be something to what you say. For one thing, it may have to do with age -- the longer you've lived, the more you've seen and the more something reminds you of something else. I don't know how old Perry is, but you look to be what, in your early 30s? Too young for this way of thinking, methinks.
Anyway, how does one write a "boy meets girl" plot and not be derivative of something else? Actually "wokeness" may help in this case -- boy meets girl who wants to be boy, for example. Wait, is that derivative of "Some Like It Hot"?
Somebody deemed wise once wrote that "there is nothing new under the sun" and he wrote it a long time ago. Perhaps the problem is that, as we age, we lose our youthful enthusiasm and patience for things which may be slightly like some other thing? Perhaps we stop seeking out new entertainments, preferring the ones we're familiar with? Which version of "The Office" are we talking about, btw?
I have more to say, but I just realized that my comments here are derivative of some I made back in the '90s.
Steven you are very kind but I turned 55 this year and am none too happy about it :-) I hesitate to check but I'd guess the photo I sent to Steyn & co for these columns/the cruise is about 5 years old. I take a bad picture and would have to brace myself to check.
I'm watching the US version of The Office as it happens to show up on one of the comedy channels up here. I don't have Netflix and in any case, NBC is pulling The Office from their roster, to much conserternation. I understand is the reason approximately 50% of Netflix subscribers pay for the service!
I'm 97 Steven.
Well, you know what they say, Kathy. The 50s are the new 30s (said mostly by people in their 50s).
Anyway, by chance I turned on the old TV tonight and saw that CNN was doing a show on movies of the '80s. After that, they had one on TV of the '80s. I watched both and was reminded of Sturgeon's Law. You might want to put it with Solomon's admonition about nothing new. It probably applies equally to old and new movies, TV shows, and music. You know it, don't you?
"90% of everything is crap."
Don't think I'm buying that, Perry, but if true, then you must have improved a great deal, eh?
Sturgeon's Law clarified so much of my thinking! If you keep in mind, life becomes easier to understand
With all the difficulties that the studios are having I would have thought it a good idea for them to capitalise on re-releasing all the old movies. There are specialist local companies that make and distribute the DVDs but getting access to the original material is always a problem.
TCM has the market almost completely cornered on this, since Turner owns the entire MGM, RKO and Warner libraries.
TheVideoBeat.com is a good source for anything "rock and roll" related: corny JV programmers, biker and beatnik films.
Something Wild and Kino Lorber have both come a long way and offer eclectic stuff, the former dedicated to the cult/psychotronic whereas Kino is a kind of poor man's Criterion. Shout Factory also deals in horror/genre/music/cult stuff.
They reissue these older movies in the best prints they can, and try to add commentary tracks and other extras.
I have loved this movie ever since I was a sick eighth grader and my mother moved me to the TV room in the middle of a school day just so we could watch this movie together. She told me it was one of her favorites and that I needed to see it, and was she right. Vincent Price is wonderful–what a character. Everyone in the cast is delightful, and I've always thought the final question Bottomley is asked was perfect. But the best of all is the parrot, Caesar.
I looked long and hard to find a copy of it to show my husband, and I treasure my VHS cassette version.
Thanks Margaret! If you feel the need to move up to DVD, one is available from Amazon, and while the picture is mostly surprisingly sharp (unlike the clips I used, above) there is a bit of scratchiness around the first reel change.
If you haven't already, do click on my link above for "Vincent Price, having a marvelous time;" it's audio of him near the end of his life, as a special guest at a theatre screening of "Champagne for Caesar." His famous voice is a little shaky, but his enthusiasm shines through. He looks back on the making of the picture. You'll appreciate it.
On the subject of quiz show movies but in a very different vein I'd be interested to know how you rate Slumdog Millionaire? I thought it was great along with most everything Danny Boyle directs but you have a more discerning critical sense.
I've never seen it! I tend to ignore "new" movies :-)
You should watch it, Kathy. I'd be interested in your review.