Yes, it's me! Mark Steyn of that ilk - back off my deathbed for another hour of questions from Mark Steyn Club members around the planet. We start at 3pm North American Eastern - which, across the Atlantic, is back to its usual hour: 8pm in the British Isles and 9pm in western and central Europe.
Today is officially, per the United Nations, World Toilet Day. Encouragingly for the UN, the entire world, or at least the so-called "free world", appears to be degenerating into one giant toilet:
On Monday, on Chicago's Blue Line, a straphanger was badly burned after a fellow passenger doused her in liquid and set her alight. The victim is 26; the man arrested is 45. We are not as yet permitted to know any other details.
Also on Monday, a woman was driving down the autoroute in North Rhine-Westphalia when she noticed "strange objects" on the roadway. The "objects" turned out to be two severed hands formerly attached to a 32-year-old Eritrean asylum-seeker living with her newborn baby in a migrant centre a hundred kilometres away in Bonn. The whereabouts of the rest of the lady are not known.
Meanwhile, three men dragged a woman on to the beach at Brighton and gang-raped her. Smith, Jones and Cholmondeley? Nah, no one in England has names like that anymore. These chaps were Karin Al-Danasurt, Ibrahim Alshafe and Abdulla Ahmadi. All three had had their asylum claims rejected, but, as is traditional, were continuing to live in public housing at taxpayer expense. The court hearing had to be postponed because the British state had neglected to procure a Kurdish interpreter for Mr Ahmadi.
Human incineration, dismemberment, gang rape: Happy World Toilet Day!
I'm happy to take questions today on whatever that tickles your fancy. For the moment you can listen to our show live from almost anywhere you chance to be on this turbulent earth. Starting next week, in compliance with Cloudfare's new state-of-the-art security protocols, Clubland Q&A will be distributed exclusively by fax machine. So install yours today!
Membership of The Mark Steyn Club is required only if you wish to ask a question. We love to hear from brand new members, and especially appreciate those who are having such a grand time around these parts that they've signed up a chum for a Steyn Club Gift Membership. Among the additions to our ranks in recent days are newbies from around the planet - from New Jersey to New Zealand, Alberta to Australia, Essex to Uzbekistan. If you've joined this week either for a full year or a see-how-it-goes experimental quarter, do shoot me a head-scratcher for today's show.
But, if you're not interested in joining, no worries, as they say in Oz: We seek no unwilling members - and as always the show is free to listen to, so we hope you'll want to tune in. So see you back here at 3pm North American Eastern - which is, once again, 8pm in London and Dublin, 9pm in Paris and Berlin, 10pm in Kiev and Jerusalem; 11pm in Moscow and Riyadh; half-past-eleven in Teheran; 1.45am in Kathmandu; 4am in Singapore and Honkers (sorry about that); 7am in Sydney and Melbourne; 9am in Auckland, and an even more civilised hour for the kippers and kedgeree in His Majesty's Dominions eastward across the Pacific, where you're so far ahead Michael E Mann's probably lost his appeal by now...