Steyn on Canada and the Commonwealth
Being confined for a week to a Canadian courtroom, I have been taking a keen interest in the many laws it's possible to run afoul of up here. For example:
Apparently, this is something to do with "CanCon" - Canadian Content regulations. On the radio, the CRTC requires you to play a certain amount of Canadian music - you get points according to whether your record has a Canadian performer, a Canadian producer, a Canadian composer, a Canadian lyricist. This is to strengthen and support Canadian culture. I had no idea a similar system applies to Canadian pornography, but 'tis so:
Which is eight hours and change per day. With Viagra and Cialis, if it lasts more than six hours, you should see your doctor. But, on Canadian TV, if it lasts under eight hours, you'll be seeing the CRTC. Other than that, I don't know how the points system works. Possibly you get points if two of the participants in a three-way are Canadian, or the sex act in question was developed in Canada, perhaps through a grant from the Canada Arts Council. At any rate, the three channels will face disciplinary action for their shortcomings.
If you're wondering what distinctively Canadian pornography involves, well...
Three a.m. is nobody's idea of primetime. Apparently in peak audience hours they're airing Men of Cleveland and Men of Des Moines. As for that business about "failing to close-caption said pornography", Canadian porn channels are supposed to provide both closed-captioning of moans and groans for deaf porn aficionados and, for the blind, "audio description" of the sex acts being performed.
Canada seems in many ways less regulated than the sclerotic, bureaucracy-choked republic to the south. Yet, oddly, sex is a fraught business. A couple of years back, as a reminder of the forensic intrusions of the regulatory state, I passed along this tale (from the Montreal Gazette) of the unilingual anglophone sex aid that fell afoul of the commissars:
"Acting on a citizen's complaint": There speaks the sexually liberated statist. "I went into a sex store and I was absolutely disgusted â€“ by the English-speaking sex aids."
Heaven forbid that a confused francophone should attempt to wear the product on his nose. Fortunately, prosecutors were able, with the use of public funds, to hunt down Quebec-compliant sex aids:
As Pierre Trudeau assured Canadians, the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Unless you're in there wearing a non-vibrating anglophone sex aid - or watching a non-closed-captioned Man of Idaho engage in an insufficiently voiceover-narrated sex act with a Brazilian transsexual.
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