Welcome to the latest in our series of audio adventures, Tales for Our Time: it's Part Three of my contemporary inversion of The Prisoner of Zenda - The Prisoner of Windsor. In tonight's episode two kings play a match of what's usually known these days as "real tennis" (see right) - although its aficionados dislike that qualification. I have only had one brief go at it, very long ago, but I'm pretty sure I've got right all the technical details - caterpillars, piquet, chase the door, etc. If not, it's almost certainly the sort of arcana some or other Mark Steyn Club member is sure to be an expert in. One of the kings is partial to a bit of pre-serve declaiming:
All manner chance are Rackets, wherewithall
They bandie men like balls, from wall to wall...
There's a lot of bandying in tonight's installment.
You don't really need to have read The Prisoner of Zenda to follow this inversion, but my serialization of Anthony Hope's classic has proved one of our most popular Tales for Our Time - so, if you want to listen to that first, or side by side, you're more than welcome. Most people are aware of the basic conceit - an Englishman who fills in for a Ruritanian king at his coronation - and, as I say, in this summer entertainment all we've done is have the Ruritanian return the favor in a London afflicted by viruses and globalism and statue crises and Euro-machinations. In Hope's original the plot is set in motion when two courtiers stumble upon a slumbering Englishman:
Why, the devil's in it! Shave him, and he'd be the King!
In tonight's episode we hear an echo of that line well over a century on:
Why, the devil's in it! Shave him, and he'd be...
Ah, but who? Members of The Mark Steyn Club can hear Part Three of our adventure simply by clicking here and logging-in. Parts One and Two can be found here.
Simon Croft, a First Month Founding Member of the Steyn Club from the United Kingdom, writes:
I'm enjoying this - a promising start, fizzing with mordantly comic references (the 'Brit Happens' store, with its Coronation thongs and condoms; the 'Suicide Belt' cocktails). Can we hope to encounter a suitably villainous descendant of Rupert of Hentzau (eponym for Anthony Hope's own sequel to The Prisoner...)?
We shall see, Simon. Rupert of Hentzau is a great character, but Hope's sequel for my tastes always suffers from the fact that this time the narrator is not the English adventurer but a rather stiff Ruritanian courtier: It's much more fun seeing the fantastical kingdom through the eyes of a foreign observer.
Sir Anthony wrote a third book, The Heart of Princess Osra, an attempt to blend Ruritania with the light social comedy with which he'd first made his name (The Dolly Dialogues). It's nobody's idea of a masterpiece, but it does fill in a lot of details about his mythical land, and, as you'll hear tonight, I have lifted the names of several supporting characters from its pages.
If you have friends who might appreciate The Prisoner of Windsor, The Prisoner of Zenda or both, we have a special Steyn Club Gift Membership that lets them in on that and all the other fun in The Mark Steyn Club.
If you've only joined the Steyn Club in recent days and missed our earlier serials (Conan Doyle's The Tragedy of the Korosko, Joseph Conrad's The Secret Agent, Baroness Orczy's The Scarlet Pimpernel, Anthony Hope's The Prisoner of Zenda, plus Kipling, Kafka, Dickens, Gogol, Louisa May Alcott, Jack London, H G Wells, Scott Fitzgerald and more), you can find them all on our easy-to-access Netflix-style Tales for Our Time home page. Indeed, it's so easy to access that we've introduced a similar format for the new audio editions of The Mark Steyn Show.
The Mark Steyn Club is now in its fourth year, and helps support all our content - whether in print, audio or video - and keep it out there in the world for everyone. In return, membership confers, aside from Tales for Our Time, a few other benefits:
~Exclusive Steyn Store member pricing on over 40 books, mugs, T-shirts, and other products;
~The opportunity to engage in live Clubland Q&A sessions with yours truly;
~Transcript and audio versions of The Mark Steyn Show, Mark's Mailbox, and our other video content;
~My video series of classic poetry;
~Booking for special members-only events such as The Mark Steyn Christmas Show (if live stage shows are ever decriminalized);
~Priority booking for (don't laugh) the annual Mark Steyn Cruise, if the corona curfew is ever lifted;
~Advance booking for my live appearances around the world, assuming any such things ever take place again;
~Customized email alerts for new content in your areas of interest;
~and the opportunity to support our print, audio and video ventures as they wing their way around the planet.
To become a member of The Mark Steyn Club, please click here - and please join me tomorrow for Part Four of The Prisoner of Windsor.
Comment on this item (members only)
Submission of reader comments is restricted to Mark Steyn Club members only. If you are not yet a member, please click here to join. If you are already a member, please log in here:
Member Login
5 Member Comments
When might we get a peek at a TFOT Tee-shirt in the Steyn Store, Mark!? Just a wee suggestion for the box. I would love a tee with a print of the Tales For Our Time banner on one side and maybe an illustration from one of the tales on the back. Especially delicious would be one from The Prisoner Of Windsor perhaps with a tasteful rendition of a wobbling bosom. You are a terrific storyteller (understatement of the century). It fascinated me that you knew about pipe cement but also are resourceful enough to know that a super glue would do in a pinch.
Now, this IS fun!
King Rudy can take heart from the Lobkowicz royal family of...where, exactly? Bohemia? Czechoslovakia? The Czech Republic? Usurped first by the Nazis and then by the Soviets, the royal family dating back six centuries endured six decades in exile. Come the Velvet Revolution, the scion of the noble line, William, whose family had taken up residence in Boston, now found himself not "just my Bill", but "Prince" or "Serene Highness". Like some Ruritanian take on The Beverly Hillbillies, Bill loaded up the shipping container and moved the family to Prague. Czech Republic, that is...tennis players...hockey stars. I know all of this because Bill had been the Harvard roommate of an editor of mine who assigned me the story in time to promote the Dvorak Festival the Lobkowicz family were sponsoring that coming summer. Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you.
Mark, I know nothing about "real tennis," or its vocabulary, but your plumbing vocabulary is expert. It would appear you've done a bit of wrenching in your rural redoubt.
This is so much fun! I'm having a wonderful time listening to this tale. More, please!
Mark does a wonderful Rudolf, his selection of 'voices' makes each of these 'Tales' worth every moment - if you haven't listened to the Buchan selections do so, but the Flavia - Rudolf love story? Sweet, I've heard this one numerous times and I cry anyway when it ends - I'll say no more!
You are absolutely right about Mark's character voices, Beth. I'll tell you something in confidence: I found myself highly attracted not only to Mark's Princess Flavia, but also to his Miss Dollmann! Very disconcerting!