The Mark Steyn Club has just celebrated its eighth birthday. We thank all the First Fortnight Founding Members who've decided to re-up for a ninth season with us - and we hope our First Month members will want to do the same as May chunkers on. I'll be back this evening, Tuesday, with the latest episode of our eighth-birthday Tale for Our Time, Three Men on the Bummel by Jerome K Jerome - and also here tomorrow, Wednesday, at 3pm North American Eastern (8pm British Summer Time) for our latest Clubland Q&A, taking questions from Mark Steyn Club listeners around the world. Hope you can swing by.
~I am so bored with being lied to. I am even bored with the new lies being told to cover the old lies: Now It Can Be Told!!! The Behind-the-Scenes Inside Story of How I Lied to You for the Last Half-Decade by Jake Tapper and Wossname. Exclusive Excerpt!
The longtime granite-jawed Deputy Assistant Under-Counselor to the President for Running the Country peered thoughtfully through the Oval Office window to the vast city beyond before loosening his cocktail dress and kicking off his three-inch heels. I was stunned by the evident anguish on his face as he turned to me and said:
'I think we may be overworking Joe. Last week he took a ten-minute call from some European guy - the German chancellor, was it? Maybe the Nato dude? - and it seemed fine, but his afternoon nap's gone on for nine days now...'
He toyed distractedly with his makeup compact as he poured two tumblers of non-alcoholic Scotch on the carbon-neutral rocks and invited me to join him on the sofa.
I decided just to spit it out - not the drink, but what my sources had been revealing. 'I spoke to George Clooney after that last fundraiser,' I began. 'He told me that, after he'd explained to the President that he was the guy from Ocean's Eleven, Biden asked him what Joey Bishop was like...'
It was as if the temperature in the Oval Office had dropped fifteen degrees - probably in Centigrade. 'No comment,' murmured my longtime granite-jawed but suddenly terse contact, 'or I'm gonna be poppin' my bustier.'
He handed me a sheet of paper, neatly typed, double-spaced, but with words on one side only. 'Here's tomorrow's talking points. Do you need to look it over or shall I give it straight to your prompter-operator? By the way, who's doing your hair these days? It looked great on The Jen Psaki Straight-Talk Uncensored Truth Express.'
Alas, the now-it-can-be-told lies are proving a tough sell even to impressionable NPR-listening women d'un certain âge, so they've now moved on to what James Comey would call eighty-sixing the whole business by transforming the biggest scandal in American politics into mere personal tragedy. And, if you're not satisfied with that, well, it's grossly offensive and poor taste to speculate on the health of somebody not in the best of health:
🚨 BIDEN DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER: Former President Joe Biden has been diagnosed with prostate cancer with metastasis to the bone. pic.twitter.com/TYT5i8zOh0
— Breaking911 (@Breaking911) May 18, 2025
Did you see that? Direct from Biden's office:
On Friday, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
So until May 16th 2025 neither Biden nor anyone around him had any idea that he had prostate cancer that's now metastasized to the bones? So he's a bit like the late rocker Warren Zevon, who hadn't seen a doctor for twenty years and then discovered that he had terminal cancer?
Er, no. The President of the United States is the most medically monitored man on earth. He doesn't have a so-called "cadillac" health-care plan; he's got the forty-car motorcade health-care plan going up and down in there all year long. To be sure, given that Biden was getting the old Covid jabba-jabba rather a lot, it could be one of these "turbo-cancers" one hears about. But all Jake Tapper's colleagues assure us that's just a conspiracy theory. So it is not possible for Biden to have acquired this cancer since January 20th, or for it to have remained undiagnosed till Friday. On MSNBC, Zeke Emanuel, Obamacare advisor and brother of Rahm "Never let a crisis go to waste" Emanuel, wandered a little off Morning Joe's usual script and suggested that Biden has likely had this thing his entire purported "presidency":
You may recall that, when I had my heart attacks, some readers - and indeed my then colleague Nigel Farage - wanted real-time medical bulletins, and I replied that my idea of a medical bulletin was that of the Royal physician Viscount Dawson for George V:
The King's life is moving peacefully to its close.
But that is not the way of the White House. The US media were obsessed with the idea that Trump 45 was too unfit for the presidency, demanding to know, inter alia, why his medical team hadn't measured his waist. As Tucker Carlson remarked, that's for your tailor, not your doctor.
But prostates aren't. So how could it go undiagnosed till Friday? Well, don't let your finger probe too far ahead: Internet types re-posting video of Biden claiming to "have cancer" in 2022 are dismissed as "conspiracy theorists", and at the time it was just put down to one of those crazy things Joe likes to say, like claiming to have rappelled into Helmand Province to take out Corn Pop with his self-erecting leg hairs. And yeah, his brother Frank Biden told CBS last year that he just wanted Joe to "enjoy whatever time we have left"...
Frank Biden, one of President Biden's younger brothers, tells CBS News he thinks the president's overall health and vitality "absolutely" played a major role in his decision to drop out of the race. pic.twitter.com/4MfCMCjXx0
— CBS News (@CBSNews) July 21, 2024
...which certainly sounds like the sort of thing you say about someone with cancer. But, on the other hand, Frank Biden uploads nude selfies to gay websites - ten per cent of the big guy - so are you really going to take your medical insights from him? On the other other hand, there do not (yet) appear to be any nude selfies of Dr Emanuel, and on MSNBC he went on to mention that he'd been able to find Bush, Obama and Trump's PSA tests in the presidential archives, but not Joe's.
Like I said, it's lies all the way down, and ever more brazen. But there is no bigger lie than that Joe Biden has ever been head of the executive branch: FDR was, albeit wheelchair-bound; Woodrow Wilson was, pre-stroke. But Joe was installed precisely because he was, as certain "niche Canadians" observed in 2021, the dead husk of a moth-eaten sock-puppet. There are approximately 8.2 billion people on the planet. We cannot say which of them was running the executive branch of the United States from January 2021 to January 2025 - Barack Obama? George Soros? Chairman Xi? Mabel Scroggins of 27b Town Dump Road, Dead Moose Junction? All we know for certain is that the one man among those 8.2 billion it surely wasn't is Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.
In the scheme of things it doesn't matter whether they're using his prostate to distract from his dementia or vice-versa, the people who did this to you committed a crime. It is, to coin a phrase, "unconstitutional" to put a dead husk in the Oval Office and usurp his powers.
If you want to go on cable TV and debate whether Joe Biden's prostate should be removed and replaced by Jake Tapper, fine, knock yourself out. If you're excited because Tim Walz is already two points up in Iowa, great.
But the only thing that matters is:
Who was running the US government these last four years?
And why isn't he in prison?
~We thank you for all your kind comments on The Mark Steyn Club's eighth birthday - and especially thank those new members, and those old members who've signed up a chum for a SteynOnline Gift Certificate or a Steyn Club Gift Membership. Steyn Clubbers span the globe, from London, Ontario to London, England to London, Kiribati. We hope to welcome many more new members in the years ahead.
