Happy St George's Day to our English readers. If you're of a more global bent, Happy Earth Day for yesterday, and I hope you had a good one. I always celebrate Earth Day by demonstrating my commitment to recycling all my lame gags from a previous Earth Day. So here ya go, from Earth Day 2015:
My township in New Hampshire is 95 per cent forested, but you can never have too many trees, so on Earth Day I always like to plant a couple more, get the tree cover round here up to 97, 98 per cent, whatever it takes to send climate change into reverse. Of course, it's always a big pain in the neck the morning after Earth Day, when the holiday's over, and it's time to take down the trees. So these days I generally just plant artificial trees with the nice silvery tinselly branches, and then you can just take them down and put 'em in the attic till next year's Earth Day. Just a helpful ecological tip from yours truly.
~Over the weekend, I returned to one of my favorite TV shows, "The Greg Gutfeld Show" - and with a few of my fellow Canadians in the studio audience, too. Topics up for discussion included not only Comey, Stormy and Kim Jong-Unny but the rise of the robots and college credits for dating. I thought Greg, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, Jim Florentine and I were all on pretty good form and the show was a non-stop laugh riot. But, if you didn't see it, you can watch the entire episode here. Do let me know what you thought.
~On reflection, maybe we were only the second funniest thing over the weekend. From the comedy gold department, Mitt Romney matched his personal best in the 2012 presidential election and came a close second in the first round of the GOP Senate primary in Utah. Adding to his reputation for brilliant comic timing, he took the precaution - in an interview just before the vote - of explaining why he wasn't yet ready to endorse Trump for 2020. An inspired touch that, making his whisker-close second place to some guy with zero name recognition even more hilarious.
~On further reflection, maybe we were only the third funniest thing over the weekend. The photograph at top right should be entered for the Turner Prize or some such. Run-of-the-mill prime ministers have official photographs. But not Justin Trudeau. I can't really improve on Pundit Class' summary of what we're looking at. The Government of Canada has hired an official photographer to photograph a second official photographer taking a photograph of Justin Trudeau signing official photographs of himself. Brilliant.
True comic genius is in the details, of course, so you'll notice that there's no evidence of any actual work on the Prime Minister's desk. Is that because it's a prop desk they keep for when he needs to be photographed being photographed signing photographs? Or is it because he does bugger all from one week to the next?
~On considered reflection, maybe we were only the fourth funniest thing over the weekend. On Thursday I reported that Judge Bransten of the New York Supreme Court had upheld Judge Gordon's decision in the $10 million lawsuit CRTV brought against me. It's over, and CRTV lost spectacularly, which is entirely its own fault. Nonetheless, Robert Michaels is very worried about poor old CRTV:
@MarkSteynOnline So you won your case against CRTV. Now instead of hurting a fledgling conservative TV network take costs plus 10% for your trouble and let them be. Be the bigger man.
"Plus 10% for your trouble"? Nobody knows de trouble I seen.
You can read how I responded to Mr Michaels down the thread, but that's a real thigh-slapper. CRTV is the red-meat rock-ribbed more-conservative-than-thou network: its current Twitter banner features a macho hunk with tattooed forearms wide enough to park your truck on, and he's so butch he won't even feel it. Whereas, in the famous words of CRTV management, I'm "Pussy Steyn" (see page eight of Judge Gordon's order), the Canadian showtune queen. Yet somehow Pussy Steyn is "hurting" the rock-hard red-in-tooth-and-claw righter-than-right network.
Just for the record, CRTV is owned by a Las Vegas student-loan billionaire, Cary Katz. His shareholders include Pete Wilson, the former Republican Governor of California, and other colossi of the American right. But if only the penniless Canuck pussy would stop being such a meanie and ease up on "hurting" them...
You begin to understand why Conservatism, Inc has been such a bust.
Speaking of Conservatism, Inc, Seth Liebsohn and Chris Buskirk are the authors of American Greatness: How Conservatism, Inc. Missed the 2016 Election & What the Establishment Needs to Learn. That was certainly true of CRTV's hosts: Whatever our comparative merits, I grasped the significance and potential appeal of Trump three weeks after he entered the race - and to a man their guys didn't, until they started playing very belated catch-up in September 2016. Messrs Liebsohn and Buskirk are also the publishers of American Greatness, one of whose regulars wrote perhaps the most discussed commentary on the 2016 campaign, "The Flight 93 Election". And, aside from all that, they also host their own daily Seth and Chris Show every afternoon on the radio in Arizona.
I know Seth from his days with Bill Bennett's much missed morning show. I met Chris last February in Phoenix, when he interviewed me for his show. I was in town for a Hillsdale event, a few days after Cary Katz and the CRTV goon squad had set to work on me. I hope it didn't show too much.
At any rate, Seth and Chris discussed the New York court decision on their afternoon show. It starts at 5-19, after some preliminary chat about Rudy Giuliani and other matters. They have a shrewder take on what happened than Mr Michaels:
Seth observes that "a fundamental misjustice" was done to me by CRTV. "I hate bullies," he adds. "And remember, he didn't pick this fight. He was bullied throughout."
Even more disturbingly, CRTV's local enforcers (a gang of criminals and criminal associates from Lake Placid) attempted to intimidate female employees of mine. When they skedaddled out of town after the verdict, they trashed the building, cutting through wiring, and illegally removing fixtures and fittings. CRTV is still bullying. Judge Gordon issued her decision on February 21st. By the close of business on February 22nd, CRTV had threatened to re-sue us, and were back to issuing intimidating we-know-where-you-live warnings to female colleagues.
But suddenly one little Canadian pussy is "hurting" all these butcher-than-thou "conservatives". That's a side-splitter.
~I'll see you on the telly with Tucker later this evening, and this Thursday live on stage in Burlington, Vermont for the Ethan Allen Institute's 25th birthday bash. It should be a grand night, and, if you're minded to attend, there's a 15 per cent discount if you enter the promo code EAIMARK. More details here - or by emailing here.
It was a busy weekend at SteynOnline, starting with my thoughts on the 50th anniversary of Enoch Powell's "Rivers of Blood" speech, and my quizmaster turn as guest-host of Tucker Carlson's news quiz "Final Exam". Our Saturday movie date, in anticipation of St George's Day, was exquisitely English, and our Sunday song was an enduring classic celebrating its hundredth birthday. If you were busy with Earth Day tree-planting, we hope you'll want to check out one or two of those - and don't forget that rollicking edition of The Greg Gutfeld Show.
Fourteen months after CRTV broke my contract, I can say with certainty that we would not be here without the support of members of The Mark Steyn Club, for which we are profoundly grateful. For more information on the Steyn Club, as we approach our first anniversary, see here - and don't forget our limited-time Gift Membership.